No Trouble Breathing

I should really get around to doing this more often...I'm just so darn busy with work and travel and family and friends and whatnot.

So...two things on my mind right now. First off, Julia. I'm ridiculously, superbly, worried about her. I don't know how to help, but I'm trying. I want her to be able to stand up straight and love herself without faking it. Unfortunately...we're not exactly close, so I don't know how to help. Plus, when I'm in a large group of people, I'm a complete butterfly and flit around talking to everyone. Probably because I'm close with noone. One the plus side, though, the star is this: I no longer think she hates me, and she no longer thinks I hate her, and Allie no longer hates her. It's grand, not hating people.

Next up: what the flip is wrong with me? I went to a youth retreat about a week ago...and if I wasn't with Allie, I was with all guys. Like, six or seven of them. And no girls. Do girls not like me or something? Ok that was a self-evident question. Of course they don't, if they don't want to be around me. But why? Is it because I'm an uncontrollable flirt? Because it doesn't mean anything, and I know that, and the boys know that...so why don't the girls? But in some ways it is a good things, because I have gotten so much closer to my guy friends...who inspire me. A lot. Got to love them stripling warriors. :)

Oh one more thing...Allie is moving to Las Vegas in six months. So...I don't know what I'm going to do. Janae and Nicole are going to Hawaii for school, and Kay is going to Utah, and Rae is going to Idaho. So I don't know what girls I will talk to, but I  know that something good will come out of this. Maybe I will become closer to Julia...or Catherine...or maybe I will grow closer to my Savior as I rely on Him. Whatever happens...I will need help.

Ok one last thing...I keep thinking of things I want to say. About a year ago, I made some pretty bad decisions that included a guy named Allen.  Not sex, but still, some things that made my parents really not trust me. Yesterday night, I was reading through my journal entries from that time period...and it literally broke my hard. He hurt me a lot, and I did a lot of dumb stuff, and I was so young and naive. But looking back, I can see how far I've come and it inspires me. There is nothing better in the world than making a decision that once would've been impossible for you to make because of personal weakness.

Break Even The Script