Sometimes...I do. Just kidding, I've never actually woken up by the door. But I have metaphorically woken up by the door, waiting to walk out. I love my parents. I love my home. I love my family. I don't really want to move out.
But I do want to make my own decisions. I want to be able to respect myself and feel that I am trusted by those around me, and not only trusted on their own petty, narrow views of how I should act, but trusted to be able to make my own decisions for how I should act. I am willing to take responsibility for those actions, but responsibility for breaking the laws of God and man, not for failing to follow a strict code of action which I believe to be unnecessary. I'm not six. I am an intelligent human being who knows right from wrong.
And so I pray for patience. Because somewhere along the line I have to stop feeling restrained and understand that I am loved. But I can't help myself. I feel like I will never truly be trusted by those around me, and so I am restrained by their rules. I feel that in order to escape my past, I would have to leave.
I know in my mind that this is not true. But my heart is less logical.
But I am loved.
Set Fire to the Rain. ADELE
Stars
This is life: the beauty is there, and then all the time, every minute, a little piece of heaven falls right into your hand. You just have to open your palm and accept it.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Does the Pain Weigh Out the Price?
Sometimes painful circumstances that seem to have no silver lining are truly for the better.
Recently, I've had someone who I thought was my best friend refuse to help with me with some very simple, small favors that were very important to me. It was painful. Very painful. I cried for two hours. This is from the girl who hasn't cried in front of any one except her immediate family in over five years. I don't cry.
This same girl is leaving and moving several states away. Previously, I was devastated. But the above experience made me realize that perhaps I'm worth more than that. I don't always have to be the only one giving in a relationship. I deserve a friend who is not selfish and wants to help me as much as I help her/him.
So as much as I wish that life could be simple...maybe this is God's way of telling me that life will be ok. Because that is the point of trials. To learn from them.
21 Guns, Green Day
Recently, I've had someone who I thought was my best friend refuse to help with me with some very simple, small favors that were very important to me. It was painful. Very painful. I cried for two hours. This is from the girl who hasn't cried in front of any one except her immediate family in over five years. I don't cry.
This same girl is leaving and moving several states away. Previously, I was devastated. But the above experience made me realize that perhaps I'm worth more than that. I don't always have to be the only one giving in a relationship. I deserve a friend who is not selfish and wants to help me as much as I help her/him.
So as much as I wish that life could be simple...maybe this is God's way of telling me that life will be ok. Because that is the point of trials. To learn from them.
21 Guns, Green Day
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